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Week 5: Not Even Top 40?!

It is ABSOLUTELY unforgivable that these songs didn't even go TOP 40. TOP FORTY.

Diana Ross - No-One Gets The Prize (#59)

- I guess the UK just REALLY did not get her Ashford & Simpson produced 'The Boss' album. The title track, one of her coolest EVER, stalled at #40, and this bombed. I just ... there are no words.

Prince - I Would Die 4 U (#58)

- Oh you fool yourselves as it's on every best of, and you know the words now, but this was a HUGE FLOP. And how DARE YOU!

New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle (#56)

- For a song so iconic in an iconic band's career, it's shocking to me that this song failed Top 40 in the UK or US. Referenced constantly with one of the coolest bass lines. Maddening.

Cyndi Lauper - Change Of Heart (#67)

- SIXTY SEVEN. Are you kidding!! This song is really one of her sassiest and coolest vocal deliveries, and followed a Top 15 hit (True Colours). I can't remotely understand how it failed so well as it sounded so current and so full of energy.

Liza Minnelli - Don't Drop Bombs (#46)

- After the monster success of 'Losing My Mind' perhaps they should have gone with 'Love Pains' (which did get to #41 two singles later) but the non-top 40 placement for this genius slice of bizarre 80s pop is so sad. I bet that secretary DID have a heart attack.

Grace Jones - I'm Not Perfect (But I'm Perfect For You) (#56)

- It's no secret that her chart success was a rollercoaster in the UK, but this song is explosive, and produced by Nile Rodgers - especially at that time - you would assume that its effortless slickness would have gone Top 40? Also has one of her most fun single covers (look it up *sips tea*)

Aretha Franklin & Elton John - Through The Storm (#41)

- I heard this so often as a child I assumed it was as big a hit as 'I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)' but NO. It wasn't even Top 40?! How?! How did these two GIANT stars, TOGETHER, miss Top 40 with a song that couldn't be any more glorious 80s pop if it tried? WTF people.

Tori Amos - A Sorta Fairytale (#41)

- Now this one really saddens me. The GORGEOUS lead single from an album that went criminally underlooked in the UK after a very lack-lustre covers album that I fear did her career no end of harm. SO close to returning queen Tori to the Top 40, but just failing at #41. Her biggest hit in the US, conversely.

Alisha's Attic - Pretender Got My Heart (#43)

- Their final, and most perfect, single. Even from the Bridget Jones film, the label fucked around delaying and amending release date infinitely (I remember emailing with friends about this, livid) until eventually they sank it. This incredible song deserved so much more. Also the album it's from 'The House That We Built' was their best.

Crush - Jellyhead (#50)

- I bought this as a CD single where the cover folded out to be a poster. YES it's trash, but it's such fun trash. Even Donna Air couldn't save it. It's a bit sad that after the success of Ant & Dec post Byker Grove that two cool girls with a spunky song couldn't have a hit. Alas.

Fleetwood Mac - You Make Loving Fun (#45)

- No words.

Scissor Sisters - Kiss You Off (#43)

- Their first Top 40 miss in the UK which is a TRUE shame as Ana Matronic gives full boss-mode on this track. I imagine the second single from Ta-Dah being 'Land Of A Thousand Words' (...!!) didn't help as even 'She's My Man' missed Top 20. Such a waste.

Patience - Nerina Pallot (#61)

- All of my friends from Neath loved Nerina's debut album and now I'm lucky enough to call her a friend I'm EVEN MORE livid that her debut album wasn't a hit. This is a fantastic debut single. What happened? If I even heard about it in NEATH how was it not a hit?!

Björk - Hunter (#44)

- Now, One Little Indian did some SPLENDID fuckery with the presentation of 'Homegenic'. From 'Jóga' only being available as a VHS box set making it chart ineligible, 'Bachelorette' only getting to #21 despite being a huge, HUGE song with an incredible video, to this missing Top 40?? This album should have had all Top 20 singles, done correctly. There is nothing like this song around.

The Cardigans - You're The Storm (#74)

- Receiving very little push as a single (did I ever see the CD anywhere?) this HEART-SHATTERINGLY fantastic song from, in my opinion, their best album 'Long Gone Before Daylight', disappeared instantly, which is a shame as it's one of Nina's most beautiful vocal deliveries.

Pet Shop Boys - Leaving (#44)

- 'Elysium' is not one of my favourite PSB albums, sure. But this IS one of my favourite singles of theirs. I love the production and Neil's vocals sound so dreamy and wistful. This should at the very least have been Top 20 for re-capturing some of the nostalgia and beauty of the 'Being Boring' vein. But as we saw last week, you people weren't kind to that either so ...

Kelis - Get Along With You (#51)

- I was SO excited by Kelis' debut album, and I remember seeing the video for this on MTV. I fell so in love with this song. Also weirdly when she ways "it was October 30th" that's my birthday, so maybe I'm biased. Such a shame that this song derailed her Top 40 run that was just starting following 2 Top 20 songs. Such a great song.

Donna Summer - When Love Takes Over You (#72)

- Wow. Just wow. Probably a victim of sequence (after the decision to strip 'Breakaway' of all its majesty and release a f*cking SHIT remix just before this) this track failed Top 50 even. After 3 big hits from the same album. Wow.

MNEK & Hailee Steinfeld - Colour (#92)

- It's mindblowing that a huge star like MNEK who's written monster hits for others, and had his own, missed Top 70 (!!!) with this song THAT I HEARD EVERYWHERE EVEN IN AMERICA. WTF!!! I honestly can't get my head around that especially when you see the 37886 MILLION views the video has on YouTube. A modern mystery.

Bette Midler - The Rose (didn't chart)

- SERIOUSLY. One of the most memorable performances of this mega star's career didn't chart?! Roses aren't red, they're disappointed in you.


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